My Mistake
by Raven-Rach
Summary: A brief insight into Fang's thoughts during the second book and his reasoning on the Lissa fiasco. Just a one-shot - I know! I'm sorry! - T for Teen book


WHAT?!!? A post from Raven-Rach?? Are you seeing things?!! No, no, my dears, you are not! I'm alive!!!

I had exams during the summer and was forced to stop writing because of that as I'm sure you all know by now. Also, I have just moved to college and have been suffering from writers' block for a while- not to mention trying to write the non-fan fiction stories I have been working on sporadically over the summer. However, a PM from kishimat inspired me to write a little. I'm rusty, I'm not all that happy with this plot, but it's something and that's better than nothing…… I think…… =P

Now, onto the important stuff!! _A GINORMOUS THANK YOU _to everyone who has voted in the Maximum Ride Awards!!!!!! You guys are amazing: thank you so much for reading my work, it means so so much to me.

I feel like a sell-out doing yet another really short one-shot, but I really can't think of a longer plot at the moment =( A few months ago I did write the first chapter of a sequel to Growing Up And Away, but it didn't go as well as I would have liked. It seemed like I was only writing for the sake of writing, the story didn't have much depth. We'll see, I feel terrible for neglecting FF so much so I'll try to write more soon.

**This little oneshot is dedicated to EVERYONE who has ever read my work, added it, favourited it etcetera. You guys are unbelievable, and I really really mean that. THANK YOU!**

**-Raven out. (for now)**

* * *

_  
Fang POV_

A deep growl resounded in my chest and I lashed out with a roundhouse kick to the Eraser's bulky ribcage. I was seeing red. Furious scarlet fog clouded my vision as I continued to punch and kick the floundering monster in front of me. He dropped to the ground with a blunt crash. I didn't have time to gloat, a sudden opportunity at retribution had materialised right before my eyes.

Ari.

If pummelling him wouldn't make me feel better, nothing would. So I charged forward, running directly into a sharp uppercut. My jaw throbbed, but the pain made me feel slightly better. I ignored it, and circled our old nemesis warily. He bent over in pain as I jabbed him fiercely in the chest. The hatred in his eyes was mirrored in my own, but then I saw Max. She had finished off the other Erasers with the Flock's help. And even though I needed this fight, even though I needed to hurt and to be hurt just to feel some kind of twisted normalcy, I knew that Max needed it more. There was a latent fury bubbling acidly beneath her surface since school had ended today, and she desperately needed to vent some of the anger. With a final blow directed at Ari, I backed away resignedly. Max needed this fight more than I did, so I herded up the kids and left her to do what she does best.

* * *

Life is a challenge… Trust me, as a guy who finds a challenge in actually _staying _alive, I know what I'm talking about. Really, not exaggerating here. Although, since none of the Flock will ever read this, I guess you can't really understand how serious I'm being. Just take my word for it: life as an Avian American on the run isn't a piece of cake. And life as a _teenage _Avian American on the run could never be seen as simple in any way, shape or form.

I always liked writing- The Gasman would tell me I'm a sissy, but it doesn't make the fact any less true. I don't tend to talk all that much so writing comes easier to me. Like with my blog- I can talk to hundreds of people without ever having to open my mouth, I can plan what I want to say and stay at a distance. Even better, when there are things I want to get off my chest and I don't want anyone to know, I can write them down and feel like I've told somebody without anybody learning my secrets. It's a good system.

And right now I do have something on my chest. Something that feels like it's eating me up from the inside. It's not a nice feeling, and I feel like it is consuming me thoroughly. So I'm going to write it down. It's easiest that way.

I screwed up again. Big time.

As usual, it all led back to Max. Didn't everything in my life?

I had always admired Maximum Ride: she was the Leader, the strength behind us all and the force that kept us all together. Who wouldn't admire those kind of skills? Sometimes, I thought I admired her too much… so much so that the way I felt became more than just simple admiration.

I remember talking to Jeb once- yeah, talking, how strange. But we used to talk when I was younger, he was the only father figure we had until I took up the role. I was pretty young back then, and we had been discussing fighting tactics. Only Max, Iggy and I had been old enough to do any combat so Jeb had asked me to evaluate our performances in a training session from earlier that day. And I had instantly focused in on Max: on how strong she was, how calm and collected she was in the face of danger, how fluidly she fought and how shrewdly she planned her every move.

Jeb had frowned. Even at such a young age he found fault in my feelings. Immediately, he told me that I shouldn't let emotions cloud my vision, that I couldn't ever let myself be more than a brother to Max. He told me that it would destroy the entire Flock, that it would ruin everything. He didn't want me to feel that way about her, he tried to cut off my feelings at the beginning. I didn't know that until now, until his actions made me mess up so drastically.

Sure, I could blame Jeb if I wanted to. But what good would it do? He wasn't here to shoulder the brunt of my anger or explain why he had tried to force Max and I apart before we had ever come together. Jeb was a puzzle: I never worked out whether he was on our side or fighting against us. Most of the time, I thought that even he didn't know what side he was fighting on. He was a complete mystery… and not one that I particularly wanted to figure out.

Over the years I had told myself that Jeb was right: that Max and I should never cross the boundary between comrades and something more. That didn't make it any easier to ignore how I felt though, it just silently hurt me and messed with my head. Max, thanks to Jeb, had become unattainable: the one thing I wanted but couldn't have. It had become more problematic since Max had kissed me on the beach. That move had given me hope, made me realise what I was missing and what I wanted more than anything else. Perhaps, ignorance had been bliss- or at least more blissful than the knowledge of what I could have but still hadn't got. And so, I decided that the only way to get over her was to focus on somebody else. Enter Lissa. My experiment, so to speak.

Lissa was everything Max was not. She was not opinionated in the cut-throat way Max was. She was not beautiful in the way Max was. She was not tough or strong or unforgettable like Max was. She had red hair and an annoying voice… she was everything that Max would never be. Max was unique, Lissa was just another girl. She wasn't anything like Max, and yet I could do nothing but compare them.

Lissa was my mistake. My big, big mistake.

I kissed her. I kissed Lissa to get my mind off Max. To see if I could even attempt to get over Max, and up until that moment I had truly believed that I could. But being with Lissa, only made me realise how much I cared for the girl I had grown up with.

My mistake multiplied tenfold, when Max saw Lissa and I together. She was angry, furious even. Suddenly, I understood her rage after school… And a strange part of me rejoiced at this- maybe Max cared? Maybe I had a chance. Jealousy was a good sign in my opinion. Anything was a good sign because anything was better than nothing. With Max I would take what I could get. Yet, I was so shocked at her reaction that all I could do was aggravate her further. I pushed her buttons and made her bad mood worse. Typical me: make more mistakes…

* * *

That day I had a revelation. That day when I kissed one girl and realised that she- along with every girl save one- would never be the right one for me. It was that day that I realised where I had been going wrong. Lissa was cold, boring and normal. Max was hot-headed, strategic and strong; smart and beautiful. Lissa was just another girl. Max was Max: she was _the _girl. I didn't want Lissa for the exact reasons I had picked her in the first place: I didn't want her because she wasn't Max.

Today, I felt the pain of not being able to call her mine. Today I sat at the table as Maximum announced that she was going on a date. Today, I needed Ari nearby to exercise my rage upon. It was I who was in the foul mood and seething with jealous fury.

As I silently watched Max from across the room, I thought of Jeb. Maybe he was evil, maybe he was a good-guy. Maybe he was right, maybe he was wrong. I didn't care anymore.

Screw Jeb. I wanted Max. She was the only one I had ever wanted, the only one I had ever needed. And I was going to fight for her- fight against anyone and anything that got in my way- even if that was Max herself… which, being honest, was probably a likely outcome.

But I didn't choose Max because it would be easy, I chose her because she was worth fighting for. I chose her because nobody else could even come close. And if I was lucky, she might just choose me someday- despite all my mistakes.


End file.
